Shark Science

In honor of the 3rd complete decade and 1 month of Shark Week (a completely guessed and therefore inaccurate, but probably not-that-far-off estimate), I have decided to compose the third installment of this cliffhanger of a trilogy...this Stalone-esque symphony I have had in the works. This topic has perplexed me for a while. A "rogue shark" comes into a beach town, attacks a few tourists, then disappears. The idea of a "rogue shark" is absolute bull shark (boom). The idea that a careless, juvenile, rough-and-tumble drifter-shark moves about from sandbar to sandbar to simply muck-up the water and leave all of the well-behaving' local meniscus-cutters in their wake has been projected as scientific truth by big beach town for decades. BBT has always known that sharks, rays, dolphins, and whales are undistinguishing and merciless killers, but nonetheless a part of their ecosystems. The best way to combat the economical damage these dorsal-finned-destroyers inflict: scapegoat the most fearsome-looking (the one with the teeth).

So, now BBT has managed to subversively alienate and demonize an entire race...err species of fish. But, in this time of rampant and reverent political correctness, they cannot be speciesests. They must find the individuals with which to place blame. Enter: "rogue shark." Think of this rs as an uninvited guest to a party...[insert drawn-out parallel to annoying and invasive stranger who makes people think twice about coming to another party you throw, but you assure them that "it's cool" and "they won't be back"] blah. I wish I could believe that it is a shark that "is just passing through" and "just decided to eat a human being during peak tourism season." All lies.

Truth: Lots of splashing from lots of tourists in salt water = increased number of people being eaten by the local shark population.

Suck on that, marine biology establishment.

5 Months

OK I am so sorry it has been 5 months since my first post. As a conciliatory gesture, I will once again fill your brains with the utmost relevant commentary on the most newsworthy of topics. This topic has been weighing on your brain slug's (me) mind for a devil's fortnight (yes, I did just make up the saying "devil's fortnight" and am willing to hear your definitions to apply to said saying). The U.S. still dominates many athletic competitions, including the overall number of gold medals taken during Olympic competitions. Though this jaunty display of domination is in no way representative of our actual influence upon the world community, it does show our insistence upon being respected physically and not necessarily mentally (George W. Bush, U.S.A.'s number one cheerleader). Need confirmation? Think Lance Armstrong, Labron James, and The soccer guy that dated the chick from How I Met Your Mother. This glorification of athletes and our never ending allegiance to them simply serves commercialism and the rubber, colored bracelet industry.

Additionally, let's consider how the U.S. government has favored military build-up to educational funding more than 5-to-1 over the Clinton-Bush-Obama years. Nevermind, let's not considerer. Deeeeeeeepreeeeeesssssingggg.

My first blog

Don't let the title fool you, this is not a transcript of yet another episode of the dreadfully bawdy, multi-network, tramprogram Scrubs. This is BNIB in its rawest form. Blogging, aah, blogging. Just saying the word evokes a bitter chill of contempt for those who have recklessly set-sail on the abyssal blogoshere, navigated their way into our homes via the PC-Caravel (or the MACanoe...heyoooh), and dropped anchor in our psyche. The likes of Michelle Malkin and Arianna Huffington influencing the minds of the American people is infuriating and perplexing. I hate them both. There, now you know I'm bipartisan. But, I do not want to get too political on my first entry, so lets talk about abortion (kidding).

Anywho, I just wanted to get something down to let everyone know that you can all quit thinking now because...BNIB's blogging.